Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Dear Johns

This morning I found myself at a well-known, national chain coffee shop that we all really love or really hate. I don't particularly like to go there- I believe in supporting local businesses. But today I woke up and discovered that I was completely unprepared for the morning, like it came as a total surprise to me. No coffee, no creamer, not even a slice of bread left. Who lives this way? I'm not in college anymore. I have a job. I have patio furniture. But apparently, I have marginal adult living skills. Clearly, I was going out for coffee.

In my neighborhood, the businesses are limited to a CVS, a Texaco, 12 carnicerias, a liquor store and one national chain coffee shop. This is not my fault. Will someone come down here and build some cool shit, please? (Besides a liquor store?) So I went to the coffee shop, and hoped no one I knew would see me there, even though I looked amazing as usual.

The place is undergoing a renovation. It looks like they're about 75% done with making themselves look like expensive New York City, which is hysterical and unsettling here in south 78745. Did they not read my account of the thong underwear problem? I drank my coffee and read for a while, then got up to use the bathroom, and this is what I saw when I opened the door:

Ahem. Cough. Um. Excuse me?  This is, I repeat, post renovation. (Is this how they do it in New York City?) It seems like it'd make for some horribly uncomfortable situations. "Hey- my leg is almost touching yours. Pass the TP?"

Someone knocked on the door while I was in there. And though I obviously should have let them in, I just couldn't. I'm going to the grocery store right now.


  1. Hahaha! Is one boys and one girls? Or is there a #1 and #2 pot? And if this is post renovation, where is the granite? You are so lying... I know you were really at chic-fil-a!

  2. Trust me- I wanted to believe this was pre-reno, but I'd been in there before and it was a singlet. And they're way too close to build a wall between even if you wanted to. So no, just WTF all the way around.

  3. Wow...and I thought we were getting rather cosmopolitan with a big ol' flat screen in the single-toilet ladies room at new pizza joint down the street. I guess they really didn't do their homework on what's chic!

    1. It's totally about the two-holers now. I just put a second one in my master bath. Double sinks and double toilets=happy marriage!

      (I'm not married)