As many of you know, I have gender issues. Some of you have heard or read my story, and I won't bore you guys with it here, because it's too long, and if this blog is too verbose the font gets really small and we're all getting old and don't need to struggle that much to read.
Suffice it to say- I should have been a boy, I was born a girl, now I feel like a little of both, and I look like a cute 14 year old boy. This look would only be more complete if I carried a skateboard around with me.
I've been hanging around with a lot of kids lately. They are magical beings. They say awesome shit at inappropriate times, they dance for no reason, they squeal! When's the last time you were so happy you squealed? Anyway, I was spending time with a friend who has 3 great kids and she told them to call me "Miss Holly." Eeeeewwww. Miss Holly? That's so weird. It's so feminine-sounding, and you can't do that to a 14 year old boy or a handsome girl. So then I though about "Mr. Holly" and that was equally creepy and made me sound like a science teacher. So I came up with "Uncle Holly" because that's fun and not creepy and doesn't imply that I wear lipstick OR a tie clip. So Uncle Holly it was. And when we were at the public pool and they were screaming, "Throw me Uncle Holly!" and when people were looking at me wondering why this young man had on a sports bra and couldn't throw these kids for shit, it didn't matter. The kids got it.
Last month my friend Craig came to visit with the three kids he adopted from Colombia. They were 11, 15 and 16 years old. When I met them, I joked to Craig that they should, too, call me Uncle Holly. They looked at me, understood completely what was happening, and said, "No- we'll call you Tio Holly." Do I need to tell you that "Tio" means "Uncle" in spanish? It was perfect. The only glitch in the weekend was when the oldest, Bryan asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said no, I date girls. (I thought he'd know this, but in his mind looking/acting like a boy and being gay aren't necessarily linked.) Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no, he asked why not? Look, Bryan- Tio Holly is having a period of "personal growth", ok? Callate la boca about the girlfriend thing.
And now, this whole thing has taken on a life of its own. Three of my friends are pregnant, and they all refer to me as Uncle Holly now, and their babies will when they're born. I'll teach all those kids how to ride a skateboard, play horseshoes and drink shitty beer- cuz that's what uncles do.