Thursday, September 6, 2012

Spend Money On Quality Lotion

This morning I was cleaning my ears with a Q-tip. I stuck it into my right ear like I always do and wiggled it around in there, and I guess I hit someplace I'd never hit before, because I got lost in thought. Really deep thought. About the hand lotion that I could see in the cabinet. Why does the pump always make that hissing noise when it rises back up? It sounds like a child exhaling and I both enjoy it and am  creeped out by it. Should I have spent more on quality lotion, instead of this crap? Who thought the brand name "Up & Up" was a good idea?  I was thinking so hard about this hand lotion that I stuck the next Q-tip into my left nostril. Not lying.

What the fuck happened? After 40 years of cleaning my ears I'd suddenly gotten it wrong. I looked up to the mirror to catch my hand directing a cotton fluff stick into my nose and have never felt more absurd, unless you count the time I chipped my front tooth while I was pretty drunk and decided it was a good idea to file it down with my nail file.

So- pay attention people! Get out of your heads and into your ears, or your teeth, or whatever else you're actually doing. Or Seeing. Or hearing. Later today I sat on a patio at a coffee shop and made a conscious effort to pay attention. And I was rewarded with the sound of giant oak trees banging their acorns onto the roof and the deck around me while the birds argued about the weather.

Also, does anyone else laugh when they see the words "Up & Up" on a tampon box?

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