Treasure Hunt

I live in an interesting neighborhood. And when I say interesting I mean it's like there's some sort of  cultural experiment happening daily. Equal parts old homeowners who don't wear enough clothing while watering their gorgeous front yards to excess, mixed with new homeowners with their Obama bumper stickers and plastic baby toys cluttering their front yards, and topped off with a bunch of renters who seemingly don't care about anything, and like to throw shit in my front yard as they drive/walk by.

There's a Texaco at the end of my street ( kind of a red flag to look for when purchasing real estate, but I was blinded by the number of porches my house has. Really- I have to decide which one to sit on and drink Busch Light tall boys. Add this to my Excellent Problems to Have list), and they've also just added a taco truck. Beer AND tacos at the end of my street? Imagine the traffic!

I like to play a game I call "Treasure Hunt." That's where I go out into my yard on Sunday mornings and look for new stuff. The following is a list of items I've found in my front yard:

Jagermeister bottle (empty)
Tampon (old)
Rear-view mirror (driver's side)
Thong underwear (TREASURE!)

The Jager bottle I understand. The other things, I'm a little confused about. Do people drive by and decide the house with the red mailbox=trashcan? Do the ladies drive by and become so sexually aroused by my awesomeness that they fling their underclothes/tampons into my yard?

This morning the only thing I found was half a bird shell.  Looks like even the birds are like, "Fuck it, just throw it into Holly"s yard."

I'm going to get a taco.